Readiness.

Help find the off switch.

Don’t blink.

It’s going to happen fast when it does, so don’t blink.

Are you ready? Can any of us really ever be ready? What is ready, even? Does readiness mean you have everything figured out before-hand, or does readiness just mean you’re prepared for whatever might come? But how can you be prepared without knowing what exactly to prepare for? Is this confidence? Is this irresponsible? Is this stupid?

You’re not ready; do it anyway.

Just don’t blink.

Not yet.

Breathe. Drop your shoulders and breathe. But keep your eyes open.

It’s coming.

That thing you’ve been feeling, it’s coming and you know it. Keep breathing.

Don’t look around, don’t try to make ill-informed guesses, just think on your readiness.. whatever that means anyways. Think on your confidence.. whatever that is anyways.

You’ve been preparing, sure, you get credit for that. You’ve worked on things, improved things, questioned things, you’ve been busy tinkering with all you thought you needed. You just weren’t properly directed, is that right?

Shoulders down, why do I have to keep reminding you? Shoulders down. Breathe. Eyes open. Unclench. But breathe.

What do you think will happen, anyway? Will it hurt? Will it knock you over? What thoughts have been running through you mind over and over, repeating back, bouncing around in that head of yours until they’ve formed new thoughts altogether? Have you been thinking about the thoughts you’re thinking? Worrying about them as they reshape into new concerns, new ideas, new scenarios to think more about?

Why are your shoulders up again? Down. Back. Breathe. Stay still, stop shifting. Keep your hands steady, chin up, unclench.

Maybe it’ll bring you new insight, a revelation; maybe it’ll fix all your problems, carry away all your woes, worries, and burdens. Had you thought of that already? In your 2,347,291.5 thoughts you just had pass through, did you think of that? Is it exhausting, thinking this much? Do you enjoy it? Does your brain enjoy it? Your body?

What if it makes things worse, instead? What if—no, don’t blink yet, just breathe—what if, this is a cold, harsh gust of wind that’ll blow down all your momentum, all your drive, all your self-worth you’ve been pouring from your soul, all the effort, all the pain, the tears, the anguish.. what if it kills your success?

Deep breath, but keep those eyes open.

Stop wiggling your legs.
Stop sniffling.

Unclench.

Your brain needs a minute to reset, doesn’t it? Too much, far too much happening in there. The what if’s, the why did I’s, the who even’s. Breathe. What will happen if..

Wait..

You feel it, don’t you..

Keep breathing, but brace.

Don’t blink.

Let it come, let it happen.

Will it feel satisfying, do you think? Cold and tingly, maybe warm and soothing, a wave of relief, perhaps. A blanket of comfort that nestles you into a place where your mind is calm and all is well.. seems too good to be true, though, doesn’t it?

Don’t do that thing with your foot.

Breathe, slower, deeper.. there you go.

Ok it’s nearly time.
Are you ready?

If anyone can really ever be ready for anything, ever..

Blink.

Breathe.

Blink again, slower.

Breathe, shoulders back, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.

Blink so long your eyes relax a moment.

Another deep breath.

Keep your eyes closed this time.
Stop wiggling.
Slow your breathing.

Now stop.

Was any of this real? Was any of anything real, ever? Is it all a fabrication? Whose? Yours? Mine? Can you change it? What would you change it to? What if those aren’t stars, but messages? What if the water’s not cold, it’s telling you something? What if..

Sleep.

Photo by Mathieu Bigard on Unsplash

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