Thank you.
Not a happy ending, but not too bad of one either.
You’re bleeding.
It’s over.
There’s no going back from this, you know that, don’t you?
You knew it when you picked up the safety razor, opened it up, and took out the blade.
You knew exactly what you were doing. This isn’t a dramatic scene from a movie, this is real life. That’s a real edge. Those are real veins. These are real breaths.. for now.
She didn’t call you back. He didn’t have your back. You can’t afford the bills. It’s crumbling around you. The dishes piled up ages ago. No need for a dresser when you get your clothes straight from the dryer, wrinkled, appropriate.
When’s the last time you even ate something home cooked? Something nutritious? No, real food is above you. You’re lost. You’re broken. You eat manufactured sustenance now.
That job you wanted, you’re not good enough. That apartment, that house, too much for you. You have to settle for less, because you are less, aren’t you?
Your goals, your dreams, you left them behind. You let them rot. Just like you’re doing to your body, your soul, everything good still left in you. It’s decaying, slipping past any chance of redemption.
So what’s left, friend? Release? You couldn’t fight anyways. Not now, not ever. You don’t have the spine for it. You fail in ways failure finds beautiful. You couldn’t fight through the pain, the torment of life, if it gave you everything you thought you wanted. No, not you. You’re too far gone for fight.
You need an escape. Not videos, not TV, not even music. You need to escape yourself. So you grab it. The razor. You selfishly, pathetically, plan to leave your rotting corpse to be someone else’s problem.
You didn’t think about that, did you? The shame you’d leave behind. The stains. The work. The trauma.
Of course not.
Oh, you’re thinking now, are you? Finally got that brain of yours working? Finally find something that’s beneath you?
Wake up.
Put the blade down, idiot.
I’m not going to tell you’re better than this, you’re not. Death would be a sweet, deserving release for you. But you’re not good enough for even that.
Maybe you will be though.
If you try.
Just.
A little.
So, wake up.
Grounded...
Powerful, Lena.